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I have dealt with bullies my entire life. I know the pain and the heartache it causes. I know from my own personal experience the lengths it is possible to go to just for it to end. There are other options. Let me explain.
I'm now going to give a list of all the positive things that I have been called, and after I'll explain why I'm doing this.
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When I was 16, I was already having therapy for depression, and I was doing my best to work out how to deal with negativity. I came up with an idea that has not yet failed too dramatically.
Focusing on the positive is easy to say but hard to do. It took me longer to remember that short list of positive things than the insults, so clearly I'm not focusing on the positive. I turn the negative into a motivator.
The insults like "pathetic little child" or "attention seeking little witch" make me laugh, if I'm honest. Is that really the worst thing that can be said about me? That I'm young? Does that mean my youth is not a good thing? As for attention seeking, anyone who knows me well knows that to not be true. At any social event - assuming in the first place I will actually be there, and not sat at home staring at my laptop - I will be sitting in a corner, probably wondering what book I could be reading at that point. Insults like "plagiarist" make me laugh because they are just plain wrong.
Those sort of insults and that type of negativity I can so easily dismiss. The ones that strike home are the ones that come from loved ones or ones that I have thought myself. I cannot dismiss those, I cannot laugh them off. As much as I hate to admit it, I cannot heed the words of loved ones telling me they're not true, or not to believe it. It drowns out any positivity.
I turn that into a motivator. I turn any negativity into something that I can beat. You can think of me as a pathetic waste of skin, and perhaps I have thought of myself like that too, but I will prove you wrong. I will prove wrong that little voice of doubt in my head. Besides, the people giving the insults have thought about me, and that is a lovely thing. I think now would be a good time to quote the Fall Out Boy song, "I don't care what you think as long as it's about me" since it is quite fitting.
I'm not saying it is easy, and it is not something I have perfected as yet, but it helps. When that doubt voices its opinion about me, I will prove it wrong. I will hold my head up high and say "You can think that, but I have been called a best friend by someone whom I care about, and that is what matters to me. You might think I'm lying even though I'm telling the truth, and that is fine; I know that someone I love loves me back and that is what matters to me." I can get through the day knowing that someone has said something nice about me.
You never know when someone needs a little positivity, or when your words might be remembered and help to get them through something difficult. I'd now like to ask something of you. We all mean to tell our friends we care about them, or to tell spouses just how much we love them. We all mean to do it, but do we do it often enough? Do those we care about truly know just how much we care about them?
Let's do it.
Spread a little positivity, tell your best friend right now that you love them. Yours could be the voice that helps to drown the negativity. You never know when your words might be needed, and there is no time like the present. It costs you absolutely nothing to send an email or a Facebook message, but to the person receiving that message it could mean everything. Why wait for the perfect moment? Do it now.
See you next week
E
A huge thanks to Sarah for editing!