I knew going into my MA that it would be a struggle. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome type 3; I have chronic pain, fatigue, depression, anxiety. I now have a diagnosis of dysautonomia as well, but I didn't have that diagnosis until last month. This means I'm prone to passing out, and the injuries from that can cause me problems for weeks. I knew it would be a struggle, and I was prepared for it.
Classical Studies has always been in my life, but the MA has shown just how little I know about it. I've studied a few major works - Odyssey, Aeneid, and seven Greek tragedies - and have read a few others. I've studied archaeology but more prehistoric archaeology. I've watched almost every episode of Time Team. I learned so many new things about the subject, from both the set reading and extra reading I've done along the way, but it just shows me how much more I have to learn.
You may be grateful that I'm not going to give a list of all the things I've learnt, like the debate around when Trajan's Column was built. I'm not going to do that, but instead talk about the general things.
I've never been good with time management. I lose track of time doing anything, no matter how big or small, and my chaotic sleep pattern means I can rarely have set times to do certain tasks. This is mostly why I study with the Open University, so I can still do my absolute best without missing out on lectures. I started at a "traditional" brick university back when I was less disabled, and there is no way my health would let me do that now.
Time management is still an issue. I have two planners that I use to keep track of what I need to do each week, and my hours of study. So far, I have averaged at twenty hours a week, and the OU recommends sixteen. Most of that studying is, if I'm honest, rereading parts because brain fog would get in the way of me understanding it the first time around. Again, I'm a disabled student, I have challenges that a neurotypical able-bodied students do not have.
As for reading, I've also increased my reading speed. I can still skim read and pick out key words and phrases as quickly as I could a decade ago when I was doing my A Levels. I'm so happy about that. My previous antidepressants gave me a lot of brain fog issues, especially around language; I had difficulties stringing a sentence together, my reading comprehension suffered, and all that jazz. I've since changed antidepressants, and that has definitely played a huge part in my reading abilities. Being a mod for Hyper RPG Twitch chat helps a lot with that too, as the chat moves so quickly I have to pay attention to keep up with it.
Talking of reading, I'm back to reading for pleasure again. If you follow me on Goodreads or Twitter, you may already be familiar with the amount of reading I do for pleasure. It's a lot. It's not enough, but it's a lot. I tend to not include my academic reading, since that is often extracts rather than cover-to-cover. I've also been slowly but surely making my way through the Loeb Classical Library, and thoroughly enjoying the experience. I can only read them in short bursts because I'm reading them on my laptop, but I love it.
I've been crocheting a lot too while watching Youtube and Netflix, but not really posting pictures of what I've made. Let me know if you'd like to see pictures. With this and reading for pleasure, I can unwind. I think a huge part of the stress around my previous academic experience is being unable to relax. I've always felt like I should be doing this, or I should be reading that. Now, I know I'm doing all I can, and I'm relaxing as well. I'm still putting probably too much pressure on myself, but that's a problem for future Ellana.
Not all of it has been sunshine and rainbows. There was a time when I wanted to quit, to throw in the towel. I kept going, and I'm glad I did. My health gives me a lot of trouble, but studying does allow me to have a distraction from the constant pain and dislocations. I cannot always study if my pain is extreme, but I'm getting more comfortable with relaxing and resting. One day I might even have the right balance, but today is not that day.
Once I've finished this final essay - due the end of May - I will be blogging more. I have three book reviews lined up, and a series I want to read and review. I miss blogging.
For now though, I must hit the books.
E