The problems of today are not the same problems of last year, and certainly will not be the problems of next year. When you were four or five years old and facing your first ever day of school it was terrifying. There were other children, new people you had never seen before, and clothes that were a bit too big.
Fast forward a few years and you're sitting your first ever exam. It was terrifying, what if you got parts of it wrong? Was the phrase "failed an exam" even in our vocabulary? Was "vocabulary" in our vocabulary? I've typed vocabulary too many times now.
Fast forward again to your GCSEs (or the international equivalent) and that first day of school feels like a lifetime ago. You have completed so many exams by now, you probably have a sort of ritual. You have to have the right pen, you have a certain way of laying out your desk. Skip forward another few months and the stress of revision doesn't matter, yet at the time it was the most terrifying thing in the world. You would do anything to have that first day of school again because it was so relaxing compared to now.
For me, Camp NaNo is terrifying because of what I want to achieve.
Rewind to last year. I had barely thought about getting published. I had such low self confidence that the thought of someone taking a picture of me, let alone a photo shoot, would nearly trigger a panic attack. I was falling behind on my university work because of various problems - passing, but only just, and nowhere near what I wanted.
I have three ebooks published: a weekly serial, a poetry collection, and a short story collection. I have another bunch of novels planned that I am going to write specifically to be published. I'm still getting the same grades, but it isn't bothering me as much because I'm passing difficult assignments with a clear high pass. It isn't a distinction, but that is just fine. Not only did I have a photo shoot in September (the pictures used as profile pictures on Facebook, Twitter, LeanPub, and a fan edit is used for my Tumblr), I have taken a few selfies. I'm a bit late jumping on the bandwagon, but who cares? Nothing has changed: I don't look any different, my grades aren't that different, I'm not writing in any different way and certainly not better. I just decided to go for it because I had nothing to lose, and in all honesty I was bored of my life. I've always had the mentality of "If you don't like something, change it" so that is what I did - I got published and joined the WI.
For Camp NaNo, I'm going to finish writing and editing Senate of Blood which this time last year wasn't even a solid idea; now you can even sponsor me to do it and you can be in control of how much I write. This means writing 78,000+ words (or 80,000+ if I get $25 or more in donations) and editing them to a high standard in a single month, and also doing a daily blog about it.
Yes I'm nervous about it, but this time next month I'll be blogging about how it will all be over and how it is all done. The idea that it will be finished with... that scares me. There was a time when it did not even exist, and in 56 weeks from now it will be done. Over. Out of my life. Not in my control.
That scares me. That is why I know it is worth doing.
Starting word count: 30,310
Total edited: 0
See you tomorrow
E