So first thing's first...
Ellana is not here.
Don't panic!
Ssh Ssssshh...
Don't panic, it's all right!
She will be back soon enough, but in the meantime, she has asked me to fill in this week for her on this blog and I have gladly accepted.
So I'll start off by introducing myself, and then we'll dive into my chosen topic for today!
My name is Jaxx, I am a 22 year old Nerdfighter from London that writes fictional prose, sometimes poetry, and I am also a music journalist. If you like my style I'll put some links at the end of this post as to where you can find my other work!
My real focus for this year is becoming a mermaid (#scalesandtailsfor2014), but other than that I love music (I'm really into 'Alpine' and 'Gabby Young & Other Animals' at the moment, and I am SO intrigued as to what Gerard Way is going to show the world at Reading Festival), I love Anime, John Keats, John Green, and looking at pictures of ruins, art, and Fall Out Boy on Tumblr.
My topic for this post is a little heavy and a little introspective, but I think it's very important, and that is Writer's Block. Not tips and tricks for how to get over it, quite the opposite in fact.
I've been going through a very specific block for the past two years, surrounding my poetry writing and performing.
I would say that I used to write almost compulsively. I went to poetry workshops and performances to hear people read and improve my own technique. Free-writing, for me, was a daily experience. I would write in the margins of workbooks or handouts in class from secondary school all the way up to my first year of university. I would sit on the train and write all over the free Metro newspaper if I did not have a writing pad or my phone had died. I used to write songs and record myself singing them as I walked home so I would not forget. I would perform poetry, maybe at a slam or an open-mic night. I went and waited a good five hours to get a free video recording of me performing one of my favourite spoken word pieces 'L.O.V.E.' because it was a chance to perform.
For me, words were something that needed to come out and if not I would feel choked and trapped. The gushing run-on sentences you may notice in all of my writing to this day is definitely symptomatic of that.
Now I have this strange anxiety at the thought of going to do an open mic night or even watch a poetry reading live, despite how much I love it. I always decide there are other things I could or should be doing, even if there aren't. I can barely remember the last time I wrote, edited, and finished a poem. I am only really now starting to write little bursts of things here and there, which leads me to believe that this block is coming to an end.
The thing is, I'm thankful it happened, and I will explain why.
Writing and writing and writing and writing is beautiful, especially when you're on a roll. It just feels so wonderful to express yourself ceaselessly. When you finish it feels almost like there is no air left in your lungs, you've squeezed out every last bit of it and you just can't wait to take that nice, big gulp of air and lie back, enjoying the reverie.
There is, however, a point where it just becomes word vomit.
A lot of it was not good, I just thought that because it felt good to put down it was good writing and that is definitely not always the case. What this long, long block has given me the opportunity to do is edit. In an effort to chase that inspired feeling I would go back and look at some of the things I wrote and see things that could be tweaked and added to make the piece better. I was actively lifting the cloud of free-write afterglow from in front of my eyes and saying 'is this piece up to my standards?'
Spoiler: the answer was often a resounding 'no'.
Suddenly my view on Writer's Block has changed quite vastly, and where before I would force myself through them and advise people to just keep writing no matter how difficult, I now wonder whether those blocks and pauses in our creative free-flow are moments for growth.
Sometimes your computer needs to restart in order to update all of your software, so why can't your mind follow the same process?
Sometimes there is really no point in forcing yourself to write crap in order to unblock yourself, because all it really does is lower your confidence in your work. You think, 'if this is all I can write, maybe I shouldn't write at all' and it just perpetuates the cycle of self-deprecation that is such a huge part of where writer's block comes from.
If you are a creative person, there is always a chance that at some point in your life you will hate what it is you are creating and subsequently hate yourself. It feels awful, but you will come out the other side, and with even more beautiful creations.
What I do think is worthwhile is to find new things that inspire you. For me it used to be suffering, blood, darkness, Keats, Edgar Allen Poe, taking the beautiful and making it a little twisted.
These days it's...still those things, haha, but it's also mermaids, faeries, magic in real life, the colour teal, the word 'paralian', high cliffs, and seaside cottages in Cornwall...
I used to want to write epics and long seven-book series' like the ones I was reading. Now I try and create beauty in small spaces before I create it in large ones. I have been writing a book for a year, and with this editing I've learned I managed to completely refresh it and re-kindle my love...by deleting everything in it that I did not find engaging or beautiful.
As for performing, I am suddenly itching to get back into it. The thought of being on stage again excites and frightens me all at once, because the next time I perform it will be something I really love. Me shying away from performing was, I suppose, me knowing within myself that I needed to change who I was as a writer first.
To sum up, I believe that Writer's Block isn't necessarily something to get over or wrench apart, but maybe a necessary process in order to allow your mind and your creative processes to really grow.
If you ever find yourself blocked like I have been, why not let it run its course? See what happens? See what you gravitate towards in order to inspire yourself? You may learn something about who you are as a creator.
To quote the late, great Dr. Maya Angelou: “Listen to yourself, and in that quietude you may hear the voice of God.”
See you later on in the week! My next blog might be a little less essay-ish.
Might.
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Places you can find me:
Bollocks:
http://twitter.com/JaxxOLantern (tweet me with #scalesandtailsfor2014 and I will be SO happy)
http://the-friction-in-your-jeans.tumblr.com
Journalism:
http://crumbsformen.com (music section)
Creative Writing:
http://theinkblotrocks.blogspot.com
http://www.hitrecord.org/users/JaxxOLantern